Sunflowers and Moonmonsters
Quote from Mae on August 2, 2022, 10:13 pmMercy could not hold Robin's gaze. She looked away.
For several minutes, Mercy stared hard at the wall. She made many attempts to swallow the lump in her throat and empty the well in her eyes. Her attempts to regain her composure were in vain, for when she met Robin's eyes again and spoke, her voice broke and the tears came anyway.
"I'm sorry," she said voiceless.
"I'm sorry," she repeated when her voice returned and she stifled her tears.
Mercy could not hold Robin's gaze. She looked away.
For several minutes, Mercy stared hard at the wall. She made many attempts to swallow the lump in her throat and empty the well in her eyes. Her attempts to regain her composure were in vain, for when she met Robin's eyes again and spoke, her voice broke and the tears came anyway.
"I'm sorry," she said voiceless.
"I'm sorry," she repeated when her voice returned and she stifled her tears.
Quote from Adriana on August 3, 2022, 6:51 amI felt my courage melt and my strength lay down to rest. I realized right now, I didn’t need either of those things. I needed to feel.
Without willing them, tears steamed down my cheeks. The dam broke. I knew she wasn’t apologizing for my situation. But my heart felt she was. I needed to hurt, too. Not overshadowing her pain, but rather joining it, in all of the vulnerability.
I stood and slowly crossed to the couch, sitting beside her, and doing what I so badly needed from someone when I was in her shoes, and even now-I wrapped my arms around them, “You are safe. You are safe. We are safe.”
I felt my courage melt and my strength lay down to rest. I realized right now, I didn’t need either of those things. I needed to feel.
Without willing them, tears steamed down my cheeks. The dam broke. I knew she wasn’t apologizing for my situation. But my heart felt she was. I needed to hurt, too. Not overshadowing her pain, but rather joining it, in all of the vulnerability.
I stood and slowly crossed to the couch, sitting beside her, and doing what I so badly needed from someone when I was in her shoes, and even now-I wrapped my arms around them, “You are safe. You are safe. We are safe.”
Quote from Mae on August 11, 2022, 2:28 amMercy cried into Robin's arms for a good while. When she came away, red eyed and red faced, she was surprised to find little Charlie asleep. She did not know that it was the sound of her weeping that always lulled him to sleep in the womb.
Mercy ignored her tear-stained face; she did not wipe her tears away.
"I'm sorry," she said, not for the last time. It seemed like she was looking for any excuse to follow the apology, but she could not find one that did not sound hollow when looking in Robin's eyes. Mercy had done literal battle with the monster, and fought death itself. Before that, she battled the world as a single mother without a soul in the world that cared about her. But Mercy could not face the look in Robin's eyes - that look of compassion. She looked like a minister, or worse, a mother. The most painful part of it all was that Mercy knew what this woman was. She could see it in her face and her eyes, in her hair and smile. It was plain as day to a werewolf hunter.
Mercy cried into Robin's arms for a good while. When she came away, red eyed and red faced, she was surprised to find little Charlie asleep. She did not know that it was the sound of her weeping that always lulled him to sleep in the womb.
Mercy ignored her tear-stained face; she did not wipe her tears away.
"I'm sorry," she said, not for the last time. It seemed like she was looking for any excuse to follow the apology, but she could not find one that did not sound hollow when looking in Robin's eyes. Mercy had done literal battle with the monster, and fought death itself. Before that, she battled the world as a single mother without a soul in the world that cared about her. But Mercy could not face the look in Robin's eyes - that look of compassion. She looked like a minister, or worse, a mother. The most painful part of it all was that Mercy knew what this woman was. She could see it in her face and her eyes, in her hair and smile. It was plain as day to a werewolf hunter.
Quote from Adriana on August 11, 2022, 8:46 pm“A lot of folks have hurt me, love. You’re not one of ‘em. Not even close. We’re both out here to bury old hurts. So, cry what you need to cry, until the tears don’t come, then cry some more.”
I knew there were so many unspoken hurts there. “I’m sorry I’m not better for him,” “I’m sorry for the situation I’m in,” “I’m sorry for being afraid”, among a million others. We’re all doing the best with the tools we’re given. It’s exhausting crying all of those I’m sorrys away, and sometimes it leaves you feeling hollow. You’ve been filled with guilt and pain so long you don’t know how to put peace in that space anymore. But until you clean all the skeletons out and find space for them in neat little closets, nothing changes.
”How old is your son?”
“A lot of folks have hurt me, love. You’re not one of ‘em. Not even close. We’re both out here to bury old hurts. So, cry what you need to cry, until the tears don’t come, then cry some more.”
I knew there were so many unspoken hurts there. “I’m sorry I’m not better for him,” “I’m sorry for the situation I’m in,” “I’m sorry for being afraid”, among a million others. We’re all doing the best with the tools we’re given. It’s exhausting crying all of those I’m sorrys away, and sometimes it leaves you feeling hollow. You’ve been filled with guilt and pain so long you don’t know how to put peace in that space anymore. But until you clean all the skeletons out and find space for them in neat little closets, nothing changes.
”How old is your son?”
Quote from Mae on September 2, 2022, 11:41 pmMercy looked at her little sleeping boy and swept the tears out of his dark hair.
"He's going to five in April." She said.The question anchored Mercy, for with that small advent remembered was all the accompanying hopes and history both now emphatically altered by the present circumstances.
"I need to ask you," she said again. "What's going to happen? I need to know what's going to happen to Charlie and me."
Mercy looked at her little sleeping boy and swept the tears out of his dark hair.
"He's going to five in April." She said.
The question anchored Mercy, for with that small advent remembered was all the accompanying hopes and history both now emphatically altered by the present circumstances.
"I need to ask you," she said again. "What's going to happen? I need to know what's going to happen to Charlie and me."
Quote from Adriana on September 3, 2022, 10:54 am“Mamma, that’s a loaded question. You mean initially or in general?” I rubbed my face and exhaled slowly as I did.
“You take it one day at a time, that’s all we can do. I’ve been taking it one day at a time for the last twenty five years. And if you haven’t found your faith already, you should start looking now.”
I’d learned growing up an ugly truth was better than a pretty lie.
“Anyway.. usually in little ones, I’ve never seen it myself - but I’ve heard it’s dormant for a while, until about, puberty.. if you were bitten on a full moon, it’ll be sooner than later. If you’ve had a flu, I hate to be the one to tell you, it’s a whole lot worse than that, but you two-you’re strong, I’m not worried about you. It’s figuring out things-you know-after, that’ll make your hair gray. One day at a time.”
“Mamma, that’s a loaded question. You mean initially or in general?” I rubbed my face and exhaled slowly as I did.
“You take it one day at a time, that’s all we can do. I’ve been taking it one day at a time for the last twenty five years. And if you haven’t found your faith already, you should start looking now.”
I’d learned growing up an ugly truth was better than a pretty lie.
“Anyway.. usually in little ones, I’ve never seen it myself - but I’ve heard it’s dormant for a while, until about, puberty.. if you were bitten on a full moon, it’ll be sooner than later. If you’ve had a flu, I hate to be the one to tell you, it’s a whole lot worse than that, but you two-you’re strong, I’m not worried about you. It’s figuring out things-you know-after, that’ll make your hair gray. One day at a time.”
Quote from Mae on September 8, 2022, 12:50 amMercy bowed her head. Her hands trembled. Tears rolled down her cheeks once again...
"I'm scared," she said, after a long moment. It was all she could say.
Mercy bowed her head. Her hands trembled. Tears rolled down her cheeks once again...
"I'm scared," she said, after a long moment. It was all she could say.
Quote from Adriana on September 8, 2022, 2:15 am“Oh, momma. I know. I know. But if you think I’m about to let anything happen to you or that precious baby without a fight, you’re surely mistaken, honey.”
This time I didn’t move to embrace her. I stood and went to the kitchen, took the pot of stew out of the oven and sat it on the stovetop, and poured a bowl with a lot of meat.
“You need to eat.” I said from the kitchen, bringing the warm yellow bowl to the table. “I know it’s the last thing on your mind, but trust me. Right now, we’re gonna worry about eating. Later, later, we’ll make time to worry about the rest.”
“Oh, momma. I know. I know. But if you think I’m about to let anything happen to you or that precious baby without a fight, you’re surely mistaken, honey.”
This time I didn’t move to embrace her. I stood and went to the kitchen, took the pot of stew out of the oven and sat it on the stovetop, and poured a bowl with a lot of meat.
“You need to eat.” I said from the kitchen, bringing the warm yellow bowl to the table. “I know it’s the last thing on your mind, but trust me. Right now, we’re gonna worry about eating. Later, later, we’ll make time to worry about the rest.”
Quote from Mae on October 13, 2022, 12:25 amMercy cradled her young son and bravely put her tears away. But there was no comfort to be had, nor balm for her pain. Her bones felt rigid and icy cold as her mind picked up the pieces - stories and histories, vivid descriptions, and what her own eyes had seen. - Memories of the werewolf's soft rabbit fur, she could see, poking out of the netting as the hunters carried him away. His tired, despairing eyes, the color of amber, staring at her. Then, she recalled his eyes, full of fire and life, coming at her and her little son in the dark! Soon, she would see it from the other side. Stories the hunters shared to warn and alarm would be more than an uncommon scenario or probable encounter. It would be felt. It would be real. It would be terrible.
Lost in shuddering thought, Mercy made no motion for the bowl.
Mercy cradled her young son and bravely put her tears away. But there was no comfort to be had, nor balm for her pain. Her bones felt rigid and icy cold as her mind picked up the pieces - stories and histories, vivid descriptions, and what her own eyes had seen. - Memories of the werewolf's soft rabbit fur, she could see, poking out of the netting as the hunters carried him away. His tired, despairing eyes, the color of amber, staring at her. Then, she recalled his eyes, full of fire and life, coming at her and her little son in the dark! Soon, she would see it from the other side. Stories the hunters shared to warn and alarm would be more than an uncommon scenario or probable encounter. It would be felt. It would be real. It would be terrible.
Lost in shuddering thought, Mercy made no motion for the bowl.
Quote from Adriana on March 5, 2023, 10:48 amI sat across from her. They say you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink, that's true of people, too. I knew that ache of being so scared your stomach turned and the thought of food made you ill, no matter how hollow your belly was.
I clasped my hands in my lap and lowered my head. I did all I could for her body, now I needed to leave the rest to Him, a physician of souls.
I sat across from her. They say you can bring a horse to water but you can't make them drink, that's true of people, too. I knew that ache of being so scared your stomach turned and the thought of food made you ill, no matter how hollow your belly was.
I clasped my hands in my lap and lowered my head. I did all I could for her body, now I needed to leave the rest to Him, a physician of souls.
