Stacking Stones
Quote from Kaqurei on October 11, 2023, 12:48 pmMark gestured to the box of tissues in the side table, indicating her tears needn't be repressed if she needed to let it out.
"That's a perfectly valid thing to feel," Mark affirmed. "After an event like that, even without brain damage, it would be impossible for Lee to ever go back to who he was before it happened."
He paused for a moment. "But let's think about that a little more. Life experiences change everyone. We like to think of people as being static, unchanging. But, that's not really true of anyone. When Lee was an infant, he was probably different from when he became a child, and as a child he was very different from when he became a young man. I'm sure his likes and dislikes and interests have changed a lot throughout his life. If we imagine skipping a transitory phase of his life--say, going from infancy straight to being a young man--we might have seen just as jarring a change to his personality as you witnessed after his accident. Now, I'm not saying this to minimize what he has been through--what you both have been through--in any way. I'm suggesting that, perhaps, it would be beneficial to look at the changes you're seeing in Lee through a different lens. Life experiences change all of us; gradually over time, or in Lee's case, in an instant. But he's still your son, no matter how he changes."
He was silent for a moment. Then he offered, "This is a new chapter in both of your lives. A new beginning. Remember, Lee is a new person to himself, too. He's figuring himself out all over again. It's a confusing and difficult time. But, you're his mother. You've been with him through a lot of confusing and difficult times. When he learned to walk. When he learned to talk. His first allergic reaction. The one that came after that. Puberty. Any time he got sick, who was there for him? You were. He needs you again now, whether he knows it or not."
Mark gestured to the box of tissues in the side table, indicating her tears needn't be repressed if she needed to let it out.
"That's a perfectly valid thing to feel," Mark affirmed. "After an event like that, even without brain damage, it would be impossible for Lee to ever go back to who he was before it happened."
He paused for a moment. "But let's think about that a little more. Life experiences change everyone. We like to think of people as being static, unchanging. But, that's not really true of anyone. When Lee was an infant, he was probably different from when he became a child, and as a child he was very different from when he became a young man. I'm sure his likes and dislikes and interests have changed a lot throughout his life. If we imagine skipping a transitory phase of his life--say, going from infancy straight to being a young man--we might have seen just as jarring a change to his personality as you witnessed after his accident. Now, I'm not saying this to minimize what he has been through--what you both have been through--in any way. I'm suggesting that, perhaps, it would be beneficial to look at the changes you're seeing in Lee through a different lens. Life experiences change all of us; gradually over time, or in Lee's case, in an instant. But he's still your son, no matter how he changes."
He was silent for a moment. Then he offered, "This is a new chapter in both of your lives. A new beginning. Remember, Lee is a new person to himself, too. He's figuring himself out all over again. It's a confusing and difficult time. But, you're his mother. You've been with him through a lot of confusing and difficult times. When he learned to walk. When he learned to talk. His first allergic reaction. The one that came after that. Puberty. Any time he got sick, who was there for him? You were. He needs you again now, whether he knows it or not."
Quote from Skyelre on October 11, 2023, 12:49 pmMei Ling tried to smile but the sorrow in her expression overwhelmed it. " I know," she said quietly. " But I'm losing hope he'll ever get better. I don't know what to do."
Mei Ling tried to smile but the sorrow in her expression overwhelmed it. " I know," she said quietly. " But I'm losing hope he'll ever get better. I don't know what to do."
Quote from Kaqurei on October 11, 2023, 4:12 pmHow Mark wished he could simply write in a prescription for hope, if it could be but bottled or encapsulated and swallowed. It was not something he could give. But it was something he could help her navigate towards.
He leaned back in his seat. "Tell me, when you picture Lee better, what does that look like? Really think about it." But before he allowed her to continue, he said, "Really. Try to be realistic. Better is not rewinding the clock like the accident never happened. Better is what he looks like after the wound has healed. Trauma is more like a deep cut or a broken bone than a cold, where when you get better it's like it never happened. Trauma leaves scars."
How Mark wished he could simply write in a prescription for hope, if it could be but bottled or encapsulated and swallowed. It was not something he could give. But it was something he could help her navigate towards.
He leaned back in his seat. "Tell me, when you picture Lee better, what does that look like? Really think about it." But before he allowed her to continue, he said, "Really. Try to be realistic. Better is not rewinding the clock like the accident never happened. Better is what he looks like after the wound has healed. Trauma is more like a deep cut or a broken bone than a cold, where when you get better it's like it never happened. Trauma leaves scars."
Quote from Skyelre on November 1, 2023, 6:35 pm" I just want him to talk again," Mei Ling said wistfully. " I want to see him smile, hang out with his friends... I don't care if he has difficultly speaking, or if he's slower than before, I just want him to come back. He feels... So far away and lost right now."
" I just want him to talk again," Mei Ling said wistfully. " I want to see him smile, hang out with his friends... I don't care if he has difficultly speaking, or if he's slower than before, I just want him to come back. He feels... So far away and lost right now."
Quote from Kaqurei on February 16, 2024, 10:56 pmMark nodded encouragingly. "I believe he will, Ms Chang. I can't say when. Healing does take time. But as long as we're breathing, we're healing. Living things don't stay broken."
Mark nodded encouragingly. "I believe he will, Ms Chang. I can't say when. Healing does take time. But as long as we're breathing, we're healing. Living things don't stay broken."
Quote from Skyelre on February 20, 2024, 3:52 amMei Ling smiled at the thought, but it was hollow, empty and fell quickly. She was silent for a moment.
" I think he tried to kill himself two weeks ago," she said softly. She looked up at Mark, her eyes pleading. " He isn't doing well.... That's why I'm desperately trying to find what would help him right now."
Mei Ling smiled at the thought, but it was hollow, empty and fell quickly. She was silent for a moment.
" I think he tried to kill himself two weeks ago," she said softly. She looked up at Mark, her eyes pleading. " He isn't doing well.... That's why I'm desperately trying to find what would help him right now."
Quote from Kaqurei on February 21, 2024, 8:39 pmMark did not look surprised, but increasingly empathetic.
"Have you talked to him, or even asked him outright, if he has considered or attempted self-harm? I understand from what you've told me, he has not been very communicative. He is certainly displaying all the signs of someone at risk for suicide. There is a lot of stigma surrounding suicide--almost a taboo. People are afraid to talk about it openly. But isolation and silence is where the actual danger thrives. Suicidal thoughts or actions are a very common response to intense stress. It doesn't mean Lee is a bad person. But he might not feel that way. Which of course will lead to feelings of shame, increased self-isolation, and more risk. It's a vicious cycle."
"I believe, from what you've told me, it may be time to reach out to a crisis intervention center. I have the number for a local one, here in Pinerich." He stood and drew a small white business card from his inner coat pocket. He handled it gingerly, and offered it to her in both hands. He looked at her sincerely. "Ms Chang, understand, it is not your responsibility to be Lee's mental health professional. What you can do for him is to continue to reach out to him, and encourage him to seek help. He's an adult, ultimately the choice to seek help is up to him. If he does open up to you, and admits that he has had suicidal thoughts or attempted self-harm, that is actually a good thing. Communicating about what he is going through would be a sign of recovery. At the very least it will give you both some ground to be able to work on a safety plan, and seek professional treatment. But, if he has already made an attempt at self-harm, and is unreceptive to your attempt to talk to him about it, please call the crisis intervention center. They will be able to advise you on what to do next."
Mark did not look surprised, but increasingly empathetic.
"Have you talked to him, or even asked him outright, if he has considered or attempted self-harm? I understand from what you've told me, he has not been very communicative. He is certainly displaying all the signs of someone at risk for suicide. There is a lot of stigma surrounding suicide--almost a taboo. People are afraid to talk about it openly. But isolation and silence is where the actual danger thrives. Suicidal thoughts or actions are a very common response to intense stress. It doesn't mean Lee is a bad person. But he might not feel that way. Which of course will lead to feelings of shame, increased self-isolation, and more risk. It's a vicious cycle."
"I believe, from what you've told me, it may be time to reach out to a crisis intervention center. I have the number for a local one, here in Pinerich." He stood and drew a small white business card from his inner coat pocket. He handled it gingerly, and offered it to her in both hands. He looked at her sincerely. "Ms Chang, understand, it is not your responsibility to be Lee's mental health professional. What you can do for him is to continue to reach out to him, and encourage him to seek help. He's an adult, ultimately the choice to seek help is up to him. If he does open up to you, and admits that he has had suicidal thoughts or attempted self-harm, that is actually a good thing. Communicating about what he is going through would be a sign of recovery. At the very least it will give you both some ground to be able to work on a safety plan, and seek professional treatment. But, if he has already made an attempt at self-harm, and is unreceptive to your attempt to talk to him about it, please call the crisis intervention center. They will be able to advise you on what to do next."
Quote from Skyelre on February 24, 2024, 4:35 pmMei Ling stood and slowly took the card, looking at it with a sad expression. Eventually she looked back up at Mark.
" Thank you, I think it's time I should contact a professional. It was nice meeting you Mark," she said. " Thank you again for seeing me today."
Mei Ling stood and slowly took the card, looking at it with a sad expression. Eventually she looked back up at Mark.
" Thank you, I think it's time I should contact a professional. It was nice meeting you Mark," she said. " Thank you again for seeing me today."
