Silk Threads (CA - Silas & Zander)
Quote from Adriana on July 23, 2023, 1:56 amThe day went on in frustratingly slow stride. Zander worried about school, me worried about my bosses meeting me at the doorstep with a bullet.
I chose to focus on Zander and not the situation that had been far too precarious to be coincidence.
He was adapting well, but I wished he hadn’t pushed himself so hard. I had to feed him, or I’d be dragging an unconscious or feral werewolf back the rest of the way.
The experience was good for him. I mean. Outside of the near death part. The survival part. Every werewolf should know how to survive.
He continued to impress. Even when rabbit sashimi didn’t appeal at first, he ate it eagerly once he got a taste. It was kind of morbidly symbolic, watching him devour the first thing not served on a plate, watching that ancestral recognition of the necessary hunt rush back.
I didn’t partake.
One of my families rituals involved a survival skills test of leaving each of us alone in the wilderness at the age of ten for that many days, ten. We were given nothing and had to navigate the wilderness with the knowledge we had learned beforehand and the clothes on our backs. The area they left us was bountiful and full of life but a kid doesn’t see it that way when their parents drive them blindfolded into nowhere and leave.
That was the first time I had killed anything. It was a rabbit I’d snared. It was alive when I found it. Then I struggled to finish the job, but it was already injured. Three attempts to kill it later and I’ll never forget how miserable I felt. I couldn’t eat it. I cried for hours and buried it. Somehow it was all I could see when I looked at meat after that, and so I stopped eating meat.
Ironic.
I hoped Zander would never have to do this again, that he could go back to his house, finish school, and this whole scenario would become a fever dream. That he could eat off of plates and sleep in beds until he died at the age of ninety six.
I slept only a little that night.
When we got to the gas station the next day, I realized we had no change for the payphone. Everything was in the car. I went in and after a lot of begging, the clerk let me eventually use the inside phone-only after he had threatened to call the police. He was taken back and finally shut up when I told him that’s who I was calling.
I cleaned myself up in the bathroom as well as I could. Eventually the cruiser came. The older man went inside the store and returned with a case of water, bags of beef jerky and protein bars. He probably bought all of their protein bars and jerky.
By now I was nearly feral. I slid into the passenger seat and inhaled four bars in rapid succession. The officer who picked us up was silent at first. We were on opposite sides of the business but Zander was a common interest at present. In order to protect him, he needed information from me, meaning we’d have to cooperate in like for the next few hours to be fruitful.
“Are either of you hurt, besides the ankle?” He glanced in the rearview mirror to Zander. I didn’t respond, shoving another power bar down instead.
The day went on in frustratingly slow stride. Zander worried about school, me worried about my bosses meeting me at the doorstep with a bullet.
I chose to focus on Zander and not the situation that had been far too precarious to be coincidence.
He was adapting well, but I wished he hadn’t pushed himself so hard. I had to feed him, or I’d be dragging an unconscious or feral werewolf back the rest of the way.
The experience was good for him. I mean. Outside of the near death part. The survival part. Every werewolf should know how to survive.
He continued to impress. Even when rabbit sashimi didn’t appeal at first, he ate it eagerly once he got a taste. It was kind of morbidly symbolic, watching him devour the first thing not served on a plate, watching that ancestral recognition of the necessary hunt rush back.
I didn’t partake.
One of my families rituals involved a survival skills test of leaving each of us alone in the wilderness at the age of ten for that many days, ten. We were given nothing and had to navigate the wilderness with the knowledge we had learned beforehand and the clothes on our backs. The area they left us was bountiful and full of life but a kid doesn’t see it that way when their parents drive them blindfolded into nowhere and leave.
That was the first time I had killed anything. It was a rabbit I’d snared. It was alive when I found it. Then I struggled to finish the job, but it was already injured. Three attempts to kill it later and I’ll never forget how miserable I felt. I couldn’t eat it. I cried for hours and buried it. Somehow it was all I could see when I looked at meat after that, and so I stopped eating meat.
Ironic.
I hoped Zander would never have to do this again, that he could go back to his house, finish school, and this whole scenario would become a fever dream. That he could eat off of plates and sleep in beds until he died at the age of ninety six.
I slept only a little that night.
When we got to the gas station the next day, I realized we had no change for the payphone. Everything was in the car. I went in and after a lot of begging, the clerk let me eventually use the inside phone-only after he had threatened to call the police. He was taken back and finally shut up when I told him that’s who I was calling.
I cleaned myself up in the bathroom as well as I could. Eventually the cruiser came. The older man went inside the store and returned with a case of water, bags of beef jerky and protein bars. He probably bought all of their protein bars and jerky.
By now I was nearly feral. I slid into the passenger seat and inhaled four bars in rapid succession. The officer who picked us up was silent at first. We were on opposite sides of the business but Zander was a common interest at present. In order to protect him, he needed information from me, meaning we’d have to cooperate in like for the next few hours to be fruitful.
“Are either of you hurt, besides the ankle?” He glanced in the rearview mirror to Zander. I didn’t respond, shoving another power bar down instead.
Quote from Indy on July 23, 2023, 10:11 pmI didn't feel like there was anything human left in me. I smelled of caked rabbit blood on my face and fingers. My clothes were reduced to tatters. My jeans were entirely destroyed and only hung onto my body because I'd modified the fabric in the back to tie onto my waist again from where the seams had ripped. When Silas had gone to clean himself up, I hadn't bothered. No amount of scrubbing could remove the engrained blood, sweat, and dirt.
The police cruiser came up. I lifted my head and slipped inside without question, without word. My thoughts were unfocused. Mushy. I think... I think I was supposed to be worrying about something. I couldn't remember what it was. So I focused on the man. He had brought us food. Numbly, I went for a water bottle. The plastic felt strange under my fingertips. Artificial. It took me a second too long to recall the cap needed to be twisted off. The motion felt clumsy, and when I drank, my throat gagged against the flavor of plastic.
In the puddles I could taste the earth, the grass, the sky, and all the animals which had drank from it too. It was of this world. Not a plastic, self-enclosed prison. But my body was not a particular beast, and would parch on this too.
Then I remembered the man again. Something was strange about him. Or not strange. It was like the water bottle. He was the puddle in a field... I'd grown used to taking my water from there. I'd forgotten what a plastic water bottle tasted like.
He was one of us, the thought bubbled, displaced from my own self.
Had the day and a half in the wilderness really been enough to forget what humans smelled like? To find this strange man familiar and comforting, instead of alien and disconcerting?
I should have been troubled by that. But I wasn't. I was too tired, too hungry, too inhuman. My fingers went for the jerky. I didn't think about the chemicals in the meat any more than I'd thought about the parasites in the rabbit - which is to say I did, but I let it go as soundlessly down.
Then I realized the man had spoken. Had it been minutes ago? Hours? Time felt weird. I was out-of-step with the world. I shook my head to his question, "No..."
Something else bubbled. A question. I'd had a question before, hadn't I? But I couldn't remember it. It had seemed important two days ago. Now nothing seemed important. I started to shiver. Then I closed my eyes, flopped into the unyielding plastic seat of the car, and instantly passed out.
I didn't feel like there was anything human left in me. I smelled of caked rabbit blood on my face and fingers. My clothes were reduced to tatters. My jeans were entirely destroyed and only hung onto my body because I'd modified the fabric in the back to tie onto my waist again from where the seams had ripped. When Silas had gone to clean himself up, I hadn't bothered. No amount of scrubbing could remove the engrained blood, sweat, and dirt.
The police cruiser came up. I lifted my head and slipped inside without question, without word. My thoughts were unfocused. Mushy. I think... I think I was supposed to be worrying about something. I couldn't remember what it was. So I focused on the man. He had brought us food. Numbly, I went for a water bottle. The plastic felt strange under my fingertips. Artificial. It took me a second too long to recall the cap needed to be twisted off. The motion felt clumsy, and when I drank, my throat gagged against the flavor of plastic.
In the puddles I could taste the earth, the grass, the sky, and all the animals which had drank from it too. It was of this world. Not a plastic, self-enclosed prison. But my body was not a particular beast, and would parch on this too.
Then I remembered the man again. Something was strange about him. Or not strange. It was like the water bottle. He was the puddle in a field... I'd grown used to taking my water from there. I'd forgotten what a plastic water bottle tasted like.
He was one of us, the thought bubbled, displaced from my own self.
Had the day and a half in the wilderness really been enough to forget what humans smelled like? To find this strange man familiar and comforting, instead of alien and disconcerting?
I should have been troubled by that. But I wasn't. I was too tired, too hungry, too inhuman. My fingers went for the jerky. I didn't think about the chemicals in the meat any more than I'd thought about the parasites in the rabbit - which is to say I did, but I let it go as soundlessly down.
Then I realized the man had spoken. Had it been minutes ago? Hours? Time felt weird. I was out-of-step with the world. I shook my head to his question, "No..."
Something else bubbled. A question. I'd had a question before, hadn't I? But I couldn't remember it. It had seemed important two days ago. Now nothing seemed important. I started to shiver. Then I closed my eyes, flopped into the unyielding plastic seat of the car, and instantly passed out.
Quote from Adriana on July 23, 2023, 10:38 pmI drank two bottles of water. Ate another power bar. Zander was out. In spite of the fact I’d hardly slept, I didn’t feel comfortable resting just yet. I closed my eyes but focused on staying awake.
……….
“We’re here.” The officer was opening my door and I lurched forward. My face must have been ridiculous because the older man was laughing at me. I looked around, trying to remember the year, month, day, and planet I was currently on. It was late. I climbed out and grabbed the boxes of power bars, going for the water.
”I’ll get that, go inside. The guest room is upstairs. I only have the one right now so you’ll have to share. My wife left clothes out for both of you.“
I opened Zander’s door and shook his shoulder.
I drank two bottles of water. Ate another power bar. Zander was out. In spite of the fact I’d hardly slept, I didn’t feel comfortable resting just yet. I closed my eyes but focused on staying awake.
……….
“We’re here.” The officer was opening my door and I lurched forward. My face must have been ridiculous because the older man was laughing at me. I looked around, trying to remember the year, month, day, and planet I was currently on. It was late. I climbed out and grabbed the boxes of power bars, going for the water.
”I’ll get that, go inside. The guest room is upstairs. I only have the one right now so you’ll have to share. My wife left clothes out for both of you.“
I opened Zander’s door and shook his shoulder.
Quote from Indy on July 23, 2023, 10:54 pmI flew awake at the pressure on my shoulders - a snarl on my lips, my fingers in a fist. I couldn't remember what shape I was in. Rather than attacking, I merely flopped out of the car like a sack of potatoes. I caught myself on the door handle, sagging awkwardly. It took me several seconds to remember how feet worked.
I stared at the face of the man who had just let me sleep in the back of his car. Then up at the house. It was the kind of picture I'd imagine if someone said "white-picket fence". It was large, expansive, accommodating. Larger, even, then my parent's home on account of this man not living in crowded urban forests. Behind his home I could smell the woods.
But I wasn't going there, tonight. He pointed to his home and instructed us where the guest room was. After spending two nights in the woods, you'd have thought a comfortable bed would have been salvation. But mostly, it was a point of confusion. As I stepped over the threshold of the house, I wondered if I would evaporate like a vampire. I floated, like a dream, absorbing the scents of the home: lemon, fresh laundry, freshly baked bread, herbs, sunlight, and werewolves. It didn't feel congruent. Those things couldn't belong together.
We made it to the bedroom and the feeling got worse. The bed was made. The sheets had been freshly laundered to the same detergent my mother used. I fell to my knees but didn't proceed to the bed.
Instead, I started to cry. Ugly tears running down my cheeks, sitting at my ears. I didn't feel human enough to sleep in a bed like that. I curled up on the floor, like a dog, like a thing caked in rabbit blood and earth and diseases.
I flew awake at the pressure on my shoulders - a snarl on my lips, my fingers in a fist. I couldn't remember what shape I was in. Rather than attacking, I merely flopped out of the car like a sack of potatoes. I caught myself on the door handle, sagging awkwardly. It took me several seconds to remember how feet worked.
I stared at the face of the man who had just let me sleep in the back of his car. Then up at the house. It was the kind of picture I'd imagine if someone said "white-picket fence". It was large, expansive, accommodating. Larger, even, then my parent's home on account of this man not living in crowded urban forests. Behind his home I could smell the woods.
But I wasn't going there, tonight. He pointed to his home and instructed us where the guest room was. After spending two nights in the woods, you'd have thought a comfortable bed would have been salvation. But mostly, it was a point of confusion. As I stepped over the threshold of the house, I wondered if I would evaporate like a vampire. I floated, like a dream, absorbing the scents of the home: lemon, fresh laundry, freshly baked bread, herbs, sunlight, and werewolves. It didn't feel congruent. Those things couldn't belong together.
We made it to the bedroom and the feeling got worse. The bed was made. The sheets had been freshly laundered to the same detergent my mother used. I fell to my knees but didn't proceed to the bed.
Instead, I started to cry. Ugly tears running down my cheeks, sitting at my ears. I didn't feel human enough to sleep in a bed like that. I curled up on the floor, like a dog, like a thing caked in rabbit blood and earth and diseases.
Quote from Adriana on July 23, 2023, 11:13 pmI followed Zander. He seemed out of it. In a way, he was-outside of fatigue, he’d just become intimately acquainted with a pivotal half of his being. It was a lot.
More than I realized. We got to the room and he crumpled.
I didn’t say anything yet. There were two doors. Behind one, I could smell what I was seeking-it was a bathroom, complete with a shower and shampoos. I turned the water on hot and went to Zander.
“Go shower. You‘ll feel better.” I urged, offering my hand.
The older man was the only one here. I could hear him downstairs, carrying the water in. He trusted two strangers in his own home, and he had a sense of who I was.
“Come on.”
I followed Zander. He seemed out of it. In a way, he was-outside of fatigue, he’d just become intimately acquainted with a pivotal half of his being. It was a lot.
More than I realized. We got to the room and he crumpled.
I didn’t say anything yet. There were two doors. Behind one, I could smell what I was seeking-it was a bathroom, complete with a shower and shampoos. I turned the water on hot and went to Zander.
“Go shower. You‘ll feel better.” I urged, offering my hand.
The older man was the only one here. I could hear him downstairs, carrying the water in. He trusted two strangers in his own home, and he had a sense of who I was.
“Come on.”
Quote from Indy on July 23, 2023, 11:24 pmMy hand went limply in Silas', and my body followed. I went where I was instructed, disconnected, discombobulated. I stripped the tatters of my clothing and left them in a corner. They marred the floor.
When I slid to the shower, I could feel the filth run off of me in torrents. I turned the water hotter until it burned. And when I cried, I couldn't feel it on my cheeks. I sat against the wall and sobbed until nothing more came out. I sat in the shower until nothing more ran from my pores. Then I grabbed the soap and scrubbed. Scrubbed until every inch of me was clean. Scrubbed until I couldn't smell the rabbit. Scrubbed until I could forget the taste of water as it sat in a puddle after it rained.
When there was nothing else that could be removed, I dried then stepped out into the hallway. My skin was burned pink, even under the darker complexion of my skin. I shivered against the air. I felt reborn, vulnerable, exposed.
I found the clothing on the dresser, dressing more by habit than conscious thought. Now that I had scrubbed everything off, I didn't know what I was. I couldn't smell the rabbit blood, couldn't smell anything other than soap. I floated to the bed and sank. Sank down, down until something made sense...
My hand went limply in Silas', and my body followed. I went where I was instructed, disconnected, discombobulated. I stripped the tatters of my clothing and left them in a corner. They marred the floor.
When I slid to the shower, I could feel the filth run off of me in torrents. I turned the water hotter until it burned. And when I cried, I couldn't feel it on my cheeks. I sat against the wall and sobbed until nothing more came out. I sat in the shower until nothing more ran from my pores. Then I grabbed the soap and scrubbed. Scrubbed until every inch of me was clean. Scrubbed until I couldn't smell the rabbit. Scrubbed until I could forget the taste of water as it sat in a puddle after it rained.
When there was nothing else that could be removed, I dried then stepped out into the hallway. My skin was burned pink, even under the darker complexion of my skin. I shivered against the air. I felt reborn, vulnerable, exposed.
I found the clothing on the dresser, dressing more by habit than conscious thought. Now that I had scrubbed everything off, I didn't know what I was. I couldn't smell the rabbit blood, couldn't smell anything other than soap. I floated to the bed and sank. Sank down, down until something made sense...
Quote from Adriana on July 23, 2023, 11:37 pmI could hear him crying as I sat on the edge of the bed.
Man, I messed up big. He wasn’t going to forget this.
I had never put anyone innocent in danger. I would never do it again. I swore I wouldn’t.
He was a zombie when he came out. Exhausted, he was asleep in good time. I needed to shower, so I did, then changed into the teeshirt and sweatpants provided. I threw out the tatters of our old clothes to help be rid of the stench. Out of habit, I left the house and walked the parimeter-I could feel the officers eyes on me the whole time, but I wouldn’t be able to rest again until I’d confirmed myself we weren’t followed. Then I returned in and went back upstairs. Closing the door, I sat against it on the inside so I could keep an eye on the window and Zander, and my ears and nose on the hall behind me.
I thought about how much I was going to divulge to Robert, and what I could withhold. I considered the conversation and played through alternate versions until I couldn’t think of another scenario. Then I went through them again. Then I fell asleep.
I could hear him crying as I sat on the edge of the bed.
Man, I messed up big. He wasn’t going to forget this.
I had never put anyone innocent in danger. I would never do it again. I swore I wouldn’t.
He was a zombie when he came out. Exhausted, he was asleep in good time. I needed to shower, so I did, then changed into the teeshirt and sweatpants provided. I threw out the tatters of our old clothes to help be rid of the stench. Out of habit, I left the house and walked the parimeter-I could feel the officers eyes on me the whole time, but I wouldn’t be able to rest again until I’d confirmed myself we weren’t followed. Then I returned in and went back upstairs. Closing the door, I sat against it on the inside so I could keep an eye on the window and Zander, and my ears and nose on the hall behind me.
I thought about how much I was going to divulge to Robert, and what I could withhold. I considered the conversation and played through alternate versions until I couldn’t think of another scenario. Then I went through them again. Then I fell asleep.
Quote from Indy on July 23, 2023, 11:57 pmEverything was white when I opened my eyes. White sheets. White pillows. White walls. White light. I turned my head and wondered if I was dreaming. Or dead. I shifted a finger. The feeling of the cotton beneath them felt real enough. Then where...?
I turned my head and saw Silas, eyes closed, slumped against the door. That's a funny place for a person to sleep. But then hadn't I slept in a lot of weird places lately? I shook my head, banishing the thought to the deepest, darkest corner I could find.
The forest felt like the nightmare. I was safe here. Something clanged below, in the kitchen. The water was running. The insects hummed outside as a songbird chirped. Cautiously, I slid up in the sheets. My body felt stiff, but nothing hurt. I sat up. Then tested my feet on the ground. I winced only slightly as I stood.
This left me with my most difficult task: how to leave the room, without first waking Silas. I debated many scenarios, including climbing out the window. But I was in no rush to sprain my ankle again. Instead, I ultimately settled to open the door and grip Silas by the shoulder so he wouldn't bang his head.
Everything was white when I opened my eyes. White sheets. White pillows. White walls. White light. I turned my head and wondered if I was dreaming. Or dead. I shifted a finger. The feeling of the cotton beneath them felt real enough. Then where...?
I turned my head and saw Silas, eyes closed, slumped against the door. That's a funny place for a person to sleep. But then hadn't I slept in a lot of weird places lately? I shook my head, banishing the thought to the deepest, darkest corner I could find.
The forest felt like the nightmare. I was safe here. Something clanged below, in the kitchen. The water was running. The insects hummed outside as a songbird chirped. Cautiously, I slid up in the sheets. My body felt stiff, but nothing hurt. I sat up. Then tested my feet on the ground. I winced only slightly as I stood.
This left me with my most difficult task: how to leave the room, without first waking Silas. I debated many scenarios, including climbing out the window. But I was in no rush to sprain my ankle again. Instead, I ultimately settled to open the door and grip Silas by the shoulder so he wouldn't bang his head.
Quote from Adriana on July 24, 2023, 12:13 amMy eyes shot open! I caught him by wrist and stood, flipping the man around and bracing him with one arm, reaching for something in my pocket with the other… gone! The knife was gone. Where did I put it?!
I inhaled. There was light coming in, but not much. I looked around. I exhaled. Then it came rushing back-
“Zander,” I let him go and cursed, my eyes wide. I could hear Bob downstairs. There was someone else down there now. “I..” I stammered, and looked over the kid to make sure he was alright.
My eyes shot open! I caught him by wrist and stood, flipping the man around and bracing him with one arm, reaching for something in my pocket with the other… gone! The knife was gone. Where did I put it?!
I inhaled. There was light coming in, but not much. I looked around. I exhaled. Then it came rushing back-
“Zander,” I let him go and cursed, my eyes wide. I could hear Bob downstairs. There was someone else down there now. “I..” I stammered, and looked over the kid to make sure he was alright.
Quote from Indy on July 24, 2023, 12:16 amEvery inch of air escaped my lungs as I was pressed flat to the wall. My heart thrummed like a rabbit's... then the pressure slackened, and I fell aside with a rattled sigh.
"S-silas... s-sorry, just... didn't want to wake you, but..."
Stop it. I wasn't a rabbit. I steadied myself in a breath.
"I smell something cooking downstairs. Wanna come?"
Every inch of air escaped my lungs as I was pressed flat to the wall. My heart thrummed like a rabbit's... then the pressure slackened, and I fell aside with a rattled sigh.
"S-silas... s-sorry, just... didn't want to wake you, but..."
Stop it. I wasn't a rabbit. I steadied myself in a breath.
"I smell something cooking downstairs. Wanna come?"
