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Captains (Uno, Lyra, & the Shepherds)

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I both wanted to jump out into the walls and jump out in declaration to the table. I both belonged, and didn't. A part of something bigger - but to most people, I was the new face. Without seniority at least in these processions, by all accounts I should have chewed my tongue and let the more experienced handle these matters.

Except even Chapman needed help. My gaze was to his, rather than Lyra's, at the woman's words. I could tell there was a weight in them even if Lyra herself didn't fully appreciate what she had asked yet.

"With all due respect," I spoke suddenly, my voice jumping to my throat, "Speculation doesn't help. You won't know what you would have done, until you are facing it. Lyra, most humans do not take well to this truth.  If you had known that night, maybe you would have been kept safer. Or more likely, you would have known exactly what it was you hunted and propelled yourself into it even faster. Knowing, as well, leaves you exposed to a whole level of politics you are currently exempt. If you are in this circle, even as a human, you are a target with even less tools to defend yourself than we have.  Frankly, there are members of this race you've discovered that would find you easier dead than making an ally of you..."

My expression shivered. Something prickled at the edge of my skin, lancing like pinpricks.

"I wasn't there that night. I have no idea the details of the case file. What I can tell you is that no one in this room chose to be here. Some of them were born into this life without knowing different. Some were bitten on the night of a full moon and turned into it. A majority of humans that know either end up dead or try to hunt the thing that caused them fear. And of those, they either end up likewise dead, turned, or a miserable husk of what you were.  You don't get a choice. You make do".

I paused, taking a sip of the bitter flavors of herbal tea - chamomile and hibiscus, I think. Enough to sober my mind to the here and now with a wince against their flavor.

I settled my gaze to Lyra, "You may read those case files and find another answer - but more likely, it was a complex situation with very few resolutions that would result in no blood shed. Where humans and werewolves interact, there is death and violence.... where werewolves interact period, there is death and violence".

Tears didn't come to Lyra's eyes until she looked at Val. There was the look he'd been waiting for: betrayal. But she let him finish.

She swallowed hard and angrily swept away the tears that dared spill down her cheeks.

She looked at Chapman again. Thumbed a gesture in Val's direction and put her elbows on the table. "He just described being a police officer. Danger's part of the job. Complex situations that can end in bloodshed are part of the job. Death and violence: it's part of the job. I guess getting sent in blind is part of the job sometimes too. But if the people you rely on for information have it, and withhold it, and good officers die because of that... who's to blame?"

Her fists came down hard on the table and she stood up. "Who's to blame?" she demanded again. "Kimberly's dead. Roger--look at you. Look at what's become of you. We lost two of our finest that night because of dang werewolves. Because we didn't know what we were rushing into. Maybe Val's right. Maybe we still would have rushed in. But we would have been prepared. We wouldn't have been blindsided and left to fend for ourselves when we saw things that night that we shouldn't have seen."

“Lyra. Humans are not meant to end up in these situations. We have a unit dedicated to the cause in order to prevent that, seperate from the humans.” He spoke softly, but with an even tone.

“Unfortunately, we didn’t know we were dealing with werewolves before everyone was involved. By the time it became apparent, it was too late. Lyra…”

Bob’s gray brows were furrowed over his eyes, casting shadows over and darkening them, but now he relaxed them and raised them up, revealing his own eyes-not unlike Lyra’s, they were red and wet.

“This won’t bring her back.” He shook his head solemnly. “We’ve spent countless days-between the many in this room, poured out countless tears, dwelling on every moment of that night, and none of it has turned back the clock. None of it ever will. She died in protection of a fellow man, armed with little more than compassion in light of such a revelation.”

Tara had moved next to Lyra, having put out her cigarette. “Lyra.” She whispered, putting a hand on Lyra’s shoulder. She nodded subtley to Roger, who was weeping quietly into the palm of a hand, revealing the heart of the issue.

"Stop saying humans like you aren't one!" Lyra shouted. "Being a freaking werewolf doesn't mean you're not humans anymore than me--other than I can't turn into a big freaking werewolf like you can!! She should have been armed with more than compassion! She should have been armed with knowledge! You couldn't possibly have known--none of us could have known--until they showed up! We should have been prepared about what to do when they show up! But we weren't--we were confused, we were terrified, and this is the result! Every officer up there right now who doesn't know what we're up against is just as freaking vulnerable as we were that night!"

She stood, panting for her rage, before she felt Tara's hand on her shoulder, followed her gesture and saw Roger weeping. It broke her. Tears streamed unrestrained down her face and her shoulders shook. But she was silent.

"Who were the culprits? What happened to them?"

Oh, if Lyra knew.

Not one of the culprits had a dry eye before the sun had come up the next day. All were silent as Lyra spoke out-not one perceiving it to be out of malice, and yet questions came rapidly like accusations in a trial. The heartache was palpable. Many here had been up since the early dawn and their weariness could be seen. Yet the night was not yet over, for to go away with so little resolved would only nourish the betrayal and hurt perceived by Lyra.

After a long silence, Chapman spoke again at last.

“Mercer, get Clay home. Benjamin, Xavier, please accompany Roger back.” to Benjamin, Bob cast a knowing look-and Benjamin nodded before he moved to Roger, ushering him up.

Tara touched Roger’s shoulder as they passed by.

“I’m good for it, boss.” Clay muttered, then coughed and winced, “no, I’m not.”

With Mercer’s help, he got out of the seat and went out. He might have mouthed “good luck” to Val.

Only Tara, Chapman, Lyra and Val remained. Chapman nodded to Tara. She went into the filing room with a key on her person, and returned with a large file in a dusty smelling manilla envelope.

The night and events leading up to (and beyond) Kimberly Robert’s death were recounted in full detail. The only witness statements they had were largely from Roger, with a short recount from Chapman, who had been involved only at the beginning. The rest came from the various occupants of the mall and were of little significance. Nonetheless, everything until the moment the ambulance arrived was provided in detail by Tara, including the descriptions of each person and the werewolves.

The changes made thereafter the events were also reviewed. Bullet proof vests, which were previously worn only under certain circumstances, were mandated for all officers on all shifts, as Lyra knew. Border agents - as was Reggie’s priority - had been increased. They had redefined high risk scenarios to be more inclusive, so that if there was even a thought that werewolves were involved, additional precautions were taken to ensure they did not dismiss it before it had been confirmed or denied.

By the time everything had been covered, it was much later. Two AM was upon them already, and the following day would prove eventful. There were statements to write, the bar would need work that could not be serviced by ordinary men, a public statement written. Roger would need to be paid a visit. Clay needed rest, which would mean their department was down two, if not three men. The night was selfish and would not allow for sleep before the dawn crept in and made it’s lofty demands, and thus the cloud on the faces of Chapman and Randall was evident when they finished the recount, but neither made mentioned. Only looked to Lyra in pause.

I sat quietly, pawing at the herbal tea with polite disdain as the gruesome details of Officer Roberts death was recounted. I didn't wonder why I hadn't been dismissed alongside everyone else - although I partly wished to be anywhere else.  I hadn't spearheaded Lyra any faster to her revelations, but I'd made no slow work of becoming involved. Irony aside, I was her shepherd to this world.

And I wished it didn't feel like I'd just done something awful.  What else could I have said, done differently?  I'd be asking myself that a long time.  The answer, of course, was likely nothing. It was always nothing. Things unfolded the way they unfolded, in spite of the individual's struggle, because too many outside factors had collaborated. It was an ant against a tsunami.

Just as Lyra would realize, someday, with her partner's death.  But not tonight... tonight, she was still looking for answers. She was still looking for someone to blame. Because blaming made it easier for the heart to acknowledge it's own shortcomings, and the unpredictability of the world.  If someone could be blamed, then it would mean her heart didn't have to acknowledge what it had lost. It meant you had control in a depthless ocean.

I didn't bother to repeat myself.  Nor add the additional conclusion I had made once I had heard the full picture: Kimberly dying that night was the best scenario.  If it hadn't been her, then likely it would have been more, worse, and far more gruesome. Possibly, Lyra could have been sitting at this table with every reason to become a hunter instead of declaring werewolves as "still human".

I turned my head aside, staring angrily down at the smell of hibiscus and chamomile. Why did I get tea? I was frustrated at something arbitrary, a blip in my habits - I wanted to reach back in time and change just that one little decision.

Of course, I knew why I got tea. Something I hated. The bitterness and disgust would keep me awake far better than caffeine would at this rate. I took a sip.

And as I did, caught sight of Lyra's gaze and felt the hand in my stomach reach in and squeeze. I wasn't upset about tea. I was upset by a circumstance I doubt I could even have changed. I was upset by how little I could seem to do anything right, no matter how far I had come.

Still...

"I'm sorry, Lyra..." that didn't change the regret.

"It's not your fault," Lyra admitted, before her eyes fell back to the paperwork. She had pored through every page. Once organized neatly in the file, they were now spread out in front of her on the desk. She'd read, re-read, and cross-referenced everything. Asked a few questions, but otherwise had been silent most of the night. Her tears were dry upon her face. Her eyes were red. But she'd left nothing unturned.

Neither had the force. She could see that now. Werewolves aside, it was like any other tragic accident. There hadn't been enough signs to have ever prevented it, before it happened. Once it had, every precaution had been made to ensure it would never happen again.

She drew in a long, deep breath, and exhaled it even longer. Finally she straightened her back and pushed the papers across the desk towards Chapman and Tara.

She put her elbows on the desk and covered her face with her hands. Rubbed her eyes. Sank, so that her hands ran through her hair and held her head. She was silent a moment longer. Then, without looking up, she asked,

"So what happens now?" Resigned. Defeated. "We can't unsee what we've seen." She looked up, meeting their gaze earnestly. "I can't unknow what I know."

Chapman exhaled likewise, as if he had been holding his breath to hear Lyra speak. Tara collected the paperwork with a solemn countenance.

"I would recommend you begin with un-training your dog to signal at our kind. Although it's not unheard of for animals to behave differently in our presence, and quite often expected, a direct signal is telling that the owner knows what's being communicated."

A long pause ensued before he continued,

"Ultimately, I cannot decide for you what you will do with your knowledge. I only hope that we can trust you to keep this secret with the utmost care. In return, you can be assured we will do all in our power to protect you."

The files were locked away and Tara returned.

"I also cannot rest easily until I am certain the moment of your realizing was not witnessed by any our neighboring pack... I will need you to take a few days off, especially in light of the full moon being only a week away..."

His eyes were cast down, and he was clearly considering something, but he kept his thoughts to himself for the time.

I exhaled a breath of air I hadn't realized I was holding. She was taking this well.  Maybe everyone wasn't me. Not everyone would vow their lives to hunting down werewolves to the ends of the earth.

But I still couldn't breathe too deeply. I hadn't seen the 'neighboring pack' Chapman and the others had. My attention had been too focused on getting Lyra and Roger out alive.  Now that he said it, suddenly this situation felt too complicated.  The full moon a week away, the Svalnaglas snooping around, and one rogue shepherd sitting in the courthouse dungeon... it was a recipe for disaster.

"I assume we should have her place watched?" I surmised, "Not that they are likely to confront her if we are there, but it doesn't hurt to be safe..."

"I would recommend you begin with un-training your dog to signal at our kind. Although it's not unheard of for animals to behave differently in our presence, and quite often expected, a direct signal is telling that the owner knows what's being communicated."

She looked him in the eye and nodded. With hindsight, she probably shouldn't have given Tyranny such an obvious tell. But that was back when she was looking for a semi-sentient cursed tiger, or dog demons. Not werewolves. Not people. She'd expected to encounter them in the woods, not the streets. She hadn't wanted to miss a tell that was too subtle and end up half-eaten or worse. Un-train Tyranny? That was about as possible as un-knowing what she now knew. But perhaps she could re-train him with a far more subtle signal. Not that she needed it anymore.

"Ultimately, I cannot decide for you what you will do with your knowledge. I only hope that we can trust you to keep this secret with the utmost care. In return, you can be assured we will do all in our power to protect you."

Another nod. If she was being honest, she wasn't sure what she was going to do with it herself. She wasn't a squealer, that was for sure. She could keep a secret. She had a whole treasure trove of secrets and gossip that stopped at her door. If she was a dragon, she'd sleep on a pile of secrets, in halls stuffed with secrets. She was a secret hoarder.

Oh. And protection. That would be...

"I also cannot rest easily until I am certain the moment of your realizing was not witnessed by any our neighboring pack... I will need you to take a few days off, especially in light of the full moon being only a week away..."

"I assume we should have her place watched? Not that they are likely to confront her if we are there, but it doesn't hurt to be safe..."

...Completely unacceptable.

"Hold up," she said at last. "Dang Delgado downstairs switched to a freaking werewolf right in front of me last night, and there was no dang full moon. So what's the deal with the full moon? And I don't need my place watched--thanks, Val... Don't get me wrong, I appreciate it. Really. But I know what to look for now. And I don't want to scare my family with any of this. Werewolves aside, folks in my neighborhood wouldn't like a lot of officers hanging around. We're a scrappy bunch, we can take care of ourselves. Besides, if there's another... pack ...watching, like Chapman said, wouldn't placing a watch on my place just confirm that I know something, that I need protecting?"

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